This might make Virtual Rabbi feel better, at least it isn't another letter to Santa!

Oh Great Cthulhu!

I have been an extremely diligent devotee this year.

In September, I bombed a cultist gathering (-100 points). In May, I visited my relatives in Innsmouth (100 points). In April, I legally changed my name to Randolph Carter (-40 points). In February, I defiled the grave of that traitor, Lovecraft (90 points). In June, I fed virtual_rabbi to a Shoggoth (250 points). Yesterday, I wore an Elder Sign (-10 points).

In short, I have been very good (290 points) and deserve to be promoted to High Priest.

Your humble and obedient servant,
broken_soul6286

Submit your own plea to Cthulhu!

Hm... that might have worked if he wasn't eaten.